This shirt costs $20 on Does anyone who would wear it actually have $20? I sure dont.

This shirt costs $20 on Does anyone who would wear it actually have $20 to spend on cutesy t-shirts? I sure don't.

A friend took me to a concert last night as a belated birthday present. We went to see the bands Gossip, Men, and Champagne Champagne at The Showbox in downtown Seattle. Working or not, nearly every time I go to an evening event downtown, I end up doing the same stupid thing — I forget about parking. What usually happens is I put parking at the back of my mind, drive to the venue, drive around for 30 minutes trying to find a free spot and then give up and just pay $13. I don’t have $13, nor do I have enough gas to drive around looking for a place to park, so for the first time ever I remembered not to do this and I just used my stolen bus pass. Hooray for thievery.

It was difficult for me to go out as I’ve been severely depressed and I have not been up to face-to-face interaction with other humans. I dreaded going. Truth be told, I’d rather just stay home alone than have someone pay my way. I hadn’t been out for a fun night in a while, and I never even step outside except to go to the food bank, follow up on on my never-ending food stamps application, or to check my mail. I saw two friends I hadn’t seen in a long time, and it was good to catch up. One of them even bought me a drink. With my free ticket and my free drink, you can imagine my amusement when I saw the stamp they were giving concertgoers in the over-21 bar section:

You probably can't read it, but it says "Freeloader." Everyone got the same stamp.

You probably can't read it, but it says "Freeloader." Everyone got the same stamp, but I was probably the only one who felt special.

Then in yet another joke of the cosmos, the first song that Gossip performed was “Dimestore Diamond.” It’s on their latest album and I had never heard it.

Everybody knows the things she does to please
Low cut sweaters with her skirt above her knees
She's a dimestore diamond

Everybody knows just where she gets her clothes
A watercolor painting in a Renoir pose
She's a dimestore diamond

Everybody knows but no one can tell
A homemade haircut but she wears it well
She's a dimestore diamond

You can call her broke, you can call her poor
But everybody knows that she ain't cold no more
She's a dimestore diamond

Shines like the real thing
Real thing
Real thing
Dimestore diamond

Dimestore diamond

Gotta catch you one
Gotta catch you one one
Gotta catch you one

Gonna get you one
Gonna get you one one
Gonna get you one

The first group to perform was a hip-hop/dance group called Champagne Champagne, and the second group was the dance-punk group Men, fronted by JD Samson (who was in another one of my favorite bands Le Tigre). Both opening acts were great, and Gossip was amazing as usual. The positive energy actually made me feel better, when I was expecting it to drain me further. I still feel sick and I still feel tired, but I’m definitely in better spirits. The biggest downer was that I had to leave at the beginning of the encore because of the bus schedule. My friend had offered to drive me home, but I was already feeling guilty about everything else, so I was firm and took the bus.

I was less interested in music and social interaction than I usually am, but I had a good time and I am glad I went –even as a freeloader.




Filed under Depression

7 responses to “Freeloader

  1. angryxtian

    Why are you poor?

    • That’s a very long story. Abbreviated version: I quit a decent-paying job when I was young and had no bills because I had the opportunity to go back to school and take a few more science classes that were required for my dream job in a crime lab. I’d had an internship there but they required 2 years of upper-level biology and I was two quarters short. My mom said she would pay for me to finish the credits and support me a few months until I got the job (or at least finished my biology degree). I quit to go back to school. I had taken care of my mom all through my college years (even though I got sick myself) and she went into assisted living because she felt she was a burden on me. She died five weeks after I left my job. She was in the middle of a divorce (actually 3 days from it being finalized when she died), and even though she had a will leaving me a large sum of money, I didn’t actually get any of it because of legal junk with the divorce. I was virtually penniless in weeks. I had to quit school prematurely, couldn’t get the job I’d gone back to school to get, and then applied for literally hundreds of jobs over 20 months before I got my first steady job as a receptionist for $11/hour. That job was over 50 miles away from where I lived, I was spending $300/month on gas alone and I had been living on credit cards and selling my belongings to make minimum payments for almost 2 years because I had been denied unemployment. I’m STILL paying for that time, and I’ve had other things happen since then. I’ve had many health problems that resulted in thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars in bills. I went to graduate school, too, which was really expensive but I thought it would help. It didn’t. At least it hasn’t yet. My mom’s death wasn’t entirely out of nowhere. I thought she would probably die in a year. I also thought I would get the money she’d left me and at least be able to finish the biology program. My mom was the only family I had. I have relatives in the UK, but I’ve only met them once. I have an aunt I’ve met twice.

  2. angryxtian

    That’s a very sad story. I’m sorry your life has been so difficult. My prayers are with you.

  3. CK

    “Hooray for thievery.”

    I second that! Lol

    Meanwhile, well done for getting yourself there. I really get how hard that can be.

    p.s. am massively jealous you got to see Gossip 🙂

  4. Enid Coleslaw

    Hey, I emailed you a couple days ago; I hope you got it. I’d like to send you some of the stuff you need. It would really be no trouble at all. I hope to hear from you soon.

    And I really like your blog.

    • Thanks, Enid! I did get your e-mail and I am responding to you. Sometimes I’m a bit slow because the e-mail address I post here is not my primary e-mail address, and sometimes I don’t check my blog e-mail address every day. Also, I’m a bit scatterbrained 🙂

      I’m actually kind of set for the time being because a friend gave me some money. Well, not “set” but I can get some stuff I need. I might even get shoes!

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