Magnifying glass

Last weekend I left a phone message with my landlord about my failure to pay rent for August or (so far) September. I explained I had been unemployed six weeks, and that unemployment was backed up and they had not yet responded to my claim. I told them that unemployment should respond this week and I would pay immediately.

This morning I missed a phone call from the agency that might place me at the company I used to work for. They left a message, but I cannot retrieve voice  mail because my phone service has finally been cut off for nonpayment.

I went out to my mailbox to check the mail to see if unemployment had finally responded to my claim. This is the magic week, after all. On my way to the mailbox I saw a letter taped to my door. I have received a three day pay rent or vacate notice. I’m getting evicted unless I can come up with $1400.

I walked to my mailbox. It was mostly junk mail, but I got a letter from unemployment. They are still processing my claim. No money. And I can’t even call them, or my landlord, or my recruiter because of my phone.

More nuisance –for the past six or seven years, I have sold used items on I have done so dozens of times without incident. So, of course, during my most desperate hour, I have my first incident.

I have always made it a point to describe the items I’m selling as accurately as possible. I disclose flaws that most people wouldn’t notice or even care about. I charge very little (compared to other Amazon sellers) because I don’t want to piss anyone off, I want to sell things, and I don’t want to deal with refunds and returns. This isn’t my business; I just use the Internet as a high-priced garage sale. If it were a full-time job, I’d probably have less time to put into each listing. But as it stands I have all the time I need.

I have sold numerous books, DVDs, CDs, and video games. I sold a video game a few weeks ago, and for the first time ever I got an e-mail from the buyer asking about my return policy. I told her politely that I couldn’t really accept refunds. If it was defective or something, we could work something out, but I’d tested the game myself with a friend and had no problems.

She returned with some story about how the game didn’t work. I don’t believe her…not just because I played the game myself, but because she didn’t tell me that when she first e-mailed. If I bought a game that didn’t work, I would write and say “Hey, this game doesn’t work. I keep getting error messages. Can I get my money back?” She just said “What’s your return policy?” I sense buyer’s remorse. The game does suck. It works, but it sucks.

I’m being pestered about $10 I don’t have that I was paid for a used video game by someone who obviously needs the money less than I do. After all, she is the one buying video games, and I’m the one who won’t have a home on Monday.

Strangely, I haven’t started crying yet, but I’m sure it will come. I’m definitely in a state of panic. I don’t even understand how I am coherent right now, if I’m coherent. I can’t call a crisis line, I can’t call for help.

I feel like I have too much to do with life. But I can’t cry and I can’t breathe either.



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Filed under Depression, Home Life, Materialism, Obstacles

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