And remember that depth is the greatest of heights

I may very well have overdrawn my bank account, but as of now I’m not sure. My employer messed up my paycheck again, leaving me about $350 short. Even though I should get the money very soon, this setback made it impossible to pay my car payment on time and impossible to buy food. I received a $500 graduation gift from a friend of my late mother’s. I have borrowed money from this family friend before, but I did not tell her about my current tribulations out of embarrassment and guilt. I knew that if I told her about my power bill, she would have paid for it, and I would once again feel useless. I’m (somewhat hypocritically) accepting of the $500 gift, mostly because it was given to me without me resorting to putting on the poor mouth.

My bank account is supposed to give me access to the first $100 of a deposit immediately and then credit me with the remainder of the deposit at midnight at the end of the next business day. Well, for reasons I don’t know, they wouldn’t give me the $100. And I was down to almost nothing.

Because I do not have electricity, I spend a lot of time in coffee shops abusing their free wifi and electricity to charge up my laptop and my cell phone. They don’t take too kindly to people using these services without purchase, so I generally get a drip coffee or an iced americano –whatever the cheapest thing on the menu is. I ordered an iced americano, and was mistaken in believing that it came with two shots, but I was then charged for the second shot. All I had was the change in my wallet, and I was about 40 cents short. I had already deposited my $500, and my employer had supposedly wired me my $350 two days earlier, so I tried to use my debit card to buy the coffee so I could sit and use their electricity. My card went through, but now my balance is in the red. I have not yet been charged an overdraft fee, but since about $850 was sent to my account prior to this purchase, I should hope I don’t get charged. Since I’ve basically given up on everything, I don’t really care all that much, anyway.

I am delaying my bankruptcy because I want to get rid of my car when I file. I plan to leave the country, hopefully in 2010, and I don’t want to file only to lose thousands of dollars on my car (which has a lien until November 2011). I get at least a dozen creditor calls a day, and I have neither the means nor the intention to pay them off at this point. I simply can’t.

And once again minor annoyances have led to dire situations. I have misplaced my can opener in my dark apartment, and I cannot find it anywhere. I have run out of bread, and have no access to more money. I have about half a jar of peanut butter and that is it. I was planning to eat canned beans, but now I can’t open the can and I can’t afford a new can opener. Yesterday I didn’t eat anything until 9pm, and I was so hungry I became nauseated. My pets don’t eat canned food, so I’m not sure how my can opener isn’t in any of the usual places.

I also gave my neighbors a bit of a scare. I’m not social with them –in fact I’m somewhat unfriendly. I don’t know them and they don’t know me. Someone, however, noticed that my place had been completely dark for weeks and that my car hadn’t moved. Also, I spend almost no time at home due to the lack of electricity. I really only go there to sleep. I don’t watch television or listen to music at home, I avoid taking showers, so I make no noise. I got a frantic call from a woman I don’t even know because the president of the condo association was planning on calling the police. I then got a lecture about having a non-functioning car on the property. My car is in good physical condition and is in my assigned parking spot, so I’m annoyed that they actually care about the fact that it doesn’t run. It’s not as though I left a rusted-out eyesore on someone’s lawn. What if I’d gone on vacation? What if I wanted to reduce my carbon footprint? I take the bus to work, anyway. I guess that’s the difference between condos and apartments. People actually care about your business.

Later tonight, there is the Sunday Food Not Bombs dinner in a local park. This park is in a neighborhood I absolutely detest; every time I go I get accosted by weirdos. If I get the courage to go, I will. I have barely eaten in two days, and I won’t be able to eat anything except what’s left in my peanut butter jar until at least one of my pending checks goes through. At least I have plenty body fat to live off of. Unfortunately, I am on a medication that lowers my blood sugar, so I have to eat at some time.

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1 Comment

Filed under Food, Obstacles

One response to “And remember that depth is the greatest of heights

  1. Pingback: But how are you getting by? « Modern Poverty

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